To Nel: everything went on as per normal.... we're supposed to meet at an earlier tym but i was late.. @ 5pm, i reached.. he waited, althou he grumbled abit.. but i noe he was patient n he really waited.. till i came.. i saw him, my heart skipped abit, in fact, loads.... do not ask me why i'm feeling this way.. < maybe dat's bcos its been realli too long since i went out alone with a guy... i m confused.. > when i saw him, slowly walking towards me.. he looks realli realli good... realli... we met up, he complained abit, but still smiled.. he said i looked good.. honestly, i did not knoe how to reply.. i wasnt happy, serious.. i wasnt sad.. emotionless.. nervousness has taken over me, perhaps? we started walking.. walking.. on de way, i could sense dat he was trying his best, coming up with topics, to chat.. asking everything under the sun, abt me, my life etc etc. wat does this mean? i tell myself n believed that all he's doing was out of pure & true friendship.. he's got this passion in his eyes when he was talking, looking at me, rite in the eye... it makes me feel uneasy at first.. but slowly, i got used to it.. or rather, getting quite abit to like it.. we went ahead for movies, he brought a jacket, specially for me, he says.. in case i get cold during the show.. i was really touched.. but the hard headed me wants to show him i m strong.. i rejected his offer n told him dat i dun feel cold.. he was sitting on the right side of me.. as time proceeded, i began to feel really cold.. but still, i refused to show it to him.. i scrubbed my left arm a little, did not want him to see anything.. he looked at me, and used the same tactic.. softly, he asked.. cold, arent u? in his usual slang with a tinge of american english.. so sweetly, he put the jacket over me n looked me in the eye. i did not knoe wat to do.. avoiding eye contact, i nodded like crazy n thanked him.. whilst calling him to continue watching the show.. we went for dinner.. during the dinner, we were talking, really comfortable with each other.. after which, he brought me to the place which he had planned.. playing on his guitar, n with his most soothing voice, he began singing.. songs after another, as he repeats the lyrics.. songs after another, he's touched my heart.. he tried to teach me to play the guitar, the correct way of holding it.. everything.. many a times, i felt my heart in my mouth... cos i could feel his breathing on my neck.. and seeing his hand carefully adjusting my fingers on the chords.. much as i shouted "give up!" many times.. he insisted in teaching me.. telling me there's no such thing called musically un-inclined.. i really did not knoe wat to do... many a times, i prayed silently, hoping he would not do anything to me.. i'll b so lost, tooo lost.. not knowing how to react to his next unexpected action.. we left the park not long after, we parted at the train station.. he had a choice to alight at 2 stops, but he said he'll alight at my stop since i'm alighting here.. its such a small n meaningless sentence dat perhaps meant nth to him at all.. but deep down inside, i was affected.. by him.. i do not knoe, if this has got smth to do with what his bro told me the last nite.. he told me, dat HE always mentions my name in a passionate manner n that i'm the onli 1 so far dat has captivated his heart.. honestly, at that point of time, i did not believe a thing his brother told me.. maybe, dat's bcos my heart was shut off already.. believed and really trusted that what is between us is pure friendship.. n so i left without bidding farewell bcos i realli did not know how to reply his bro.. if he realli feels the way like his brother said, y does he tell me things abt him liking another ger? wat's his purpose in doing that?? i do not know.. i do not want to knoe.. i'd rather live in this lie of my own, this idea of my own.. that after all, he's just a fren.. n his heart belongs to another.. b'cos i knoe, if wat his bro said is true, i'll fall for him.. definitely..... do i like him? i do not knoe~ i woke up this morning, thinking abt him.. i smiled at the thought of him.. i grinned when i saw his msg.. i knoe, i'm beginning to fall into it.. rite into this trap called love.. i tried to engage myself in many activities like burying myself in books, thinking abt everything but him.. but once in awhile, the sight of his face, smiling at me just keeps appearing.. i do not knoe y.. but rite now, everything's under control! :D which is really good.. i noe, i do have feelings for him rite now.. but everytime he messages n say things like "u make my heart skip like crazy".. much as i smile whilst reading it, i knoe... all dat he's doing is to fool with my heart.. n i'll end up giving him replies like "hello? r u sane" "dun give me dat crap" etc. all de words of rejection.. i did not want him to think i like him.. but the true fact is do? or do i not?? i do not knoe.. wat does he feel exactly.. honestly, but if i find out its true.. i m set not to accept it.. i m honest abt it.. he asked, "wat flowers do u like the most?" i replied, "no preference.." "oh! i like pink roses.." he replied.. was dat question for me? or was it just a stepping stone for me to lead him to give dat answer?? dat he likes pink roses? i really donno wat is running in his mind.. i'm really vexed.. vexed... =`( been wanting to rant it out.. just cant open my mouth to share it with any1.. afraid that even my closest fren would be sick or even irritated by hearing me rant.. but i realli need to let loose of all these feelings.. it seriously doesnt feel good keeping everything in me.. not good at all...

To Nel: everything went on as per normal.... we're supposed to meet at an earlier tym but i was late.. @ 5pm, i reached.. he waited, althou he grumbled abit.. but i noe he was patient n he really waited.. till i came.. i saw him, my heart skipped abit, in fact, loads.... do not ask me why i'm feeling this way.. < maybe dat's bcos its been realli too long since i went out alone with a guy... i m confused.. > when i saw him, slowly walking towards me.. he looks realli realli good... realli... we met up, he complained abit, but still smiled.. he said i looked good.. honestly, i did not knoe how to reply.. i wasnt happy, serious.. i wasnt sad.. emotionless.. nervousness has taken over me, perhaps? we started walking.. walking.. on de way, i could sense dat he was trying his best, coming up with topics, to chat.. asking everything under the sun, abt me, my life etc etc. wat does this mean? i tell myself n believed that all he's doing was out of pure & true friendship.. he's got this passion in his eyes when he was talking, looking at me, rite in the eye... it makes me feel uneasy at first.. but slowly, i got used to it.. or rather, getting quite abit to like it.. we went ahead for movies, he brought a jacket, specially for me, he says.. in case i get cold during the show.. i was really touched.. but the hard headed me wants to show him i m strong.. i rejected his offer n told him dat i dun feel cold.. he was sitting on the right side of me.. as time proceeded, i began to feel really cold.. but still, i refused to show it to him.. i scrubbed my left arm a little, did not want him to see anything.. he looked at me, and used the same tactic.. softly, he asked.. cold, arent u? in his usual slang with a tinge of american english.. so sweetly, he put the jacket over me n looked me in the eye. i did not knoe wat to do.. avoiding eye contact, i nodded like crazy n thanked him.. whilst calling him to continue watching the show.. we went for dinner.. during the dinner, we were talking, really comfortable with each other.. after which, he brought me to the place which he had planned.. playing on his guitar, n with his most soothing voice, he began singing.. songs after another, as he repeats the lyrics.. songs after another, he's touched my heart.. he tried to teach me to play the guitar, the correct way of holding it.. everything.. many a times, i felt my heart in my mouth... cos i could feel his breathing on my neck.. and seeing his hand carefully adjusting my fingers on the chords.. much as i shouted "give up!" many times.. he insisted in teaching me.. telling me there's no such thing called musically un-inclined.. i really did not knoe wat to do... many a times, i prayed silently, hoping he would not do anything to me.. i'll b so lost, tooo lost.. not knowing how to react to his next unexpected action.. we left the park not long after, we parted at the train station.. he had a choice to alight at 2 stops, but he said he'll alight at my stop since i'm alighting here.. its such a small n meaningless sentence dat perhaps meant nth to him at all.. but deep down inside, i was affected.. by him.. i do not knoe, if this has got smth to do with what his bro told me the last nite.. he told me, dat HE always mentions my name in a passionate manner n that i'm the onli 1 so far dat has captivated his heart.. honestly, at that point of time, i did not believe a thing his brother told me.. maybe, dat's bcos my heart was shut off already.. believed and really trusted that what is between us is pure friendship.. n so i left without bidding farewell bcos i realli did not know how to reply his bro.. if he realli feels the way like his brother said, y does he tell me things abt him liking another ger? wat's his purpose in doing that?? i do not know.. i do not want to knoe.. i'd rather live in this lie of my own, this idea of my own.. that after all, he's just a fren.. n his heart belongs to another.. b'cos i knoe, if wat his bro said is true, i'll fall for him.. definitely..... do i like him? i do not knoe~ i woke up this morning, thinking abt him.. i smiled at the thought of him.. i grinned when i saw his msg.. i knoe, i'm beginning to fall into it.. rite into this trap called love.. i tried to engage myself in many activities like burying myself in books, thinking abt everything but him.. but once in awhile, the sight of his face, smiling at me just keeps appearing.. i do not knoe y.. but rite now, everything's under control! :D which is really good.. i noe, i do have feelings for him rite now.. but everytime he messages n say things like "u make my heart skip like crazy".. much as i smile whilst reading it, i knoe... all dat he's doing is to fool with my heart.. n i'll end up giving him replies like "hello? r u sane" "dun give me dat crap" etc. all de words of rejection.. i did not want him to think i like him.. but the true fact is do? or do i not?? i do not knoe.. wat does he feel exactly.. honestly, but if i find out its true.. i m set not to accept it.. i m honest abt it.. he asked, "wat flowers do u like the most?" i replied, "no preference.." "oh! i like pink roses.." he replied.. was dat question for me? or was it just a stepping stone for me to lead him to give dat answer?? dat he likes pink roses? i really donno wat is running in his mind.. i'm really vexed.. vexed... =`( been wanting to rant it out.. just cant open my mouth to share it with any1.. afraid that even my closest fren would be sick or even irritated by hearing me rant.. but i realli need to let loose of all these feelings.. it seriously doesnt feel good keeping everything in me.. not good at all...