-Tuesday, October 30, 2007-
mood : *moodless*
its 1 day +.. the feeling actually subdued within 15 minutes after knowing it. maybe its because i am forced to focus on other things.. maybe its because i have found an answer for whatever is bothering me. maybe its because i typed out whatever i was feeling for 15 minutes and 1 page long. its all maybe. but all these are just maybes. maybes all these are not even the maybes that i am supposed to maybe.. hahahaha.. too many maybes, i dont even know what i am typing anymore.
okay.. for another thing, a different thing from the one i mentioned above, i guess for that, it is subsiding too. the phase is over. it is just at the moment thing. but i swear it was never my imagination. it was never my illusions. But what does it matter if it does not exist anymore.
i was reading wk's blog again yest. and i dont know why, reading his blog always makes me want to blog. i guess its how he can easily convey his true feelings. and i dont know why, but i feel like i could understand what he is writing.
Back to my imaginations and illusions, even though i am 99% sure that all those are real, but again i doubt myself on how i m interpreting it. maybe unconsciously i am interpreting it the way i hope it turns out to be :) (just the thought of it actually can make me smile again). But ya, like i wrote, it will never happen, it is all just my blissful thought.
lets close this up. and FOCUS like never before! left 2 more critical weeks. if i can get over this, then everything else doesn't matter anymore :)
# footprint is left @ 6:51 PM
-Monday, October 22, 2007-
mood : *deep thought*
i am back to blog again! hahaha.. its amazing that i am actually blogging twice in a day, when the past few entries were like once a month or longer. actually i am inspired to blog after reading WK's blog. Though right now i am not too sure what i want to blog about, but his blog actually starts me thinking. Mayb i will just start with the action of blogging itself.
I use blogging to channel out my mixed emotions in me, and by blogging out my emotions, i try to sort out whatever is disturbing me. But most of the time, i realised that, even when i am trying to type out what i was really feeling, it was always unconsciously screened by me whether i am too transparent. At the end, whatever that came out, was actually modified unconsciously or consciously. Through reading some of my friends' blogs, i actually understand much more about them. And usually i realised that i have always judged them even before i really know them. This actually teach me to just see and observe, rather than conclude even before the whole picture is shown. I wish that one day i can see just like how a camera captures a picture, and more than that.
The power of mind.
I have always believe that whatever i choose to believe and think, will happen if i believe of that hard enough. However, recently, my mind does not listen to me anymore (this partly maybe my fault, think i am not disciplined enough to my mind). It always wonders off, and pick up things for me to think about. The problem is it picks things that are so not important at this point of time, I can't stop but wonder what's exactly the problem with me, am i running away from the reality? Do i choose to face something else but the bigger problem that is right in front of me right now?
Good night world :)
# footprint is left @ 11:40 PM
mood : *don't care*
since the time u told me the truth, i realised that all along u r just so not real. if its so hard to forgive, then i don't mind we not talking. However, u make the whole thing seem as if i am the betrayer and u r the innocent. When u left, u inform me none. and now, after nearly a month, u msged me wanting to meet. So what kind of reaction am i supposed to give? i have the choice to just ignore ur msg, but i decided to reply. i just dont understand why do u still want to contact me when u left without telling me. isn't that in a way declaring that our friendship is no more. Are u contacting because u want to get something out of me again? or are u just trying to be friends again? i can no longer understand ur intention, and the reason why i m reluctant to meet u, cause i don't want to be involved in whatever things that u are going to create again. it's tiring and i don't have the time to feel tired for this kind of thing.
anyway, i don't even know why do i still blog this out when i don't care. it's just how sad why things must end this way. i mean, it may not have ended. but maybe i want to end it? or maybe it ended, just that i am hoping too much? whatever it is, not so soon i guess. i need to sort my mind out. i need to know what i want. i need to have the time before i can meet u. maybe i will reply u soon. maybe now. maybe not.
maybe i think too complicated about u. maybe u r that complicated.
# footprint is left @ 1:27 PM
-Tuesday, October 09, 2007-
mood : *cheated*
everytime i told myself to face the reality and stop imagining stuff,
everytime i was shaken to wake up and see with clear eyes,
everytime i reminded myself to deny whatever i feel,
everytime i wanted to pass my day normally,
everytime i whispered to myself that all these are just illusions,
but
everytime i failed.
there are many mornings when i thought that i am ready.
there are many times when i thought that luckily its just my own imagination.
but
there are many times when u prove that i am right.
there are many times when all those that are happening are reality.
there are many moments when u touch my heart.
there are many incidents when i feel that u are reaching out.
but
those are the times when i doubt myself..
Trapped in my own imagination, all those are just illusions caused by my desires..
# footprint is left @ 4:36 PM
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
mood : *moodless*
its 1 day +.. the feeling actually subdued within 15 minutes after knowing it. maybe its because i am forced to focus on other things.. maybe its because i have found an answer for whatever is bothering me. maybe its because i typed out whatever i was feeling for 15 minutes and 1 page long. its all maybe. but all these are just maybes. maybes all these are not even the maybes that i am supposed to maybe.. hahahaha.. too many maybes, i dont even know what i am typing anymore.
okay.. for another thing, a different thing from the one i mentioned above, i guess for that, it is subsiding too. the phase is over. it is just at the moment thing. but i swear it was never my imagination. it was never my illusions. But what does it matter if it does not exist anymore.
i was reading wk's blog again yest. and i dont know why, reading his blog always makes me want to blog. i guess its how he can easily convey his true feelings. and i dont know why, but i feel like i could understand what he is writing.
Back to my imaginations and illusions, even though i am 99% sure that all those are real, but again i doubt myself on how i m interpreting it. maybe unconsciously i am interpreting it the way i hope it turns out to be :) (just the thought of it actually can make me smile again). But ya, like i wrote, it will never happen, it is all just my blissful thought.
lets close this up. and FOCUS like never before! left 2 more critical weeks. if i can get over this, then everything else doesn't matter anymore :)
# footprint is left @ 6:51 PM
Monday, October 22, 2007
mood : *deep thought*
i am back to blog again! hahaha.. its amazing that i am actually blogging twice in a day, when the past few entries were like once a month or longer. actually i am inspired to blog after reading WK's blog. Though right now i am not too sure what i want to blog about, but his blog actually starts me thinking. Mayb i will just start with the action of blogging itself.
I use blogging to channel out my mixed emotions in me, and by blogging out my emotions, i try to sort out whatever is disturbing me. But most of the time, i realised that, even when i am trying to type out what i was really feeling, it was always unconsciously screened by me whether i am too transparent. At the end, whatever that came out, was actually modified unconsciously or consciously. Through reading some of my friends' blogs, i actually understand much more about them. And usually i realised that i have always judged them even before i really know them. This actually teach me to just see and observe, rather than conclude even before the whole picture is shown. I wish that one day i can see just like how a camera captures a picture, and more than that.
The power of mind.
I have always believe that whatever i choose to believe and think, will happen if i believe of that hard enough. However, recently, my mind does not listen to me anymore (this partly maybe my fault, think i am not disciplined enough to my mind). It always wonders off, and pick up things for me to think about. The problem is it picks things that are so not important at this point of time, I can't stop but wonder what's exactly the problem with me, am i running away from the reality? Do i choose to face something else but the bigger problem that is right in front of me right now?
Good night world :)
# footprint is left @ 11:40 PM
mood : *don't care*
since the time u told me the truth, i realised that all along u r just so not real. if its so hard to forgive, then i don't mind we not talking. However, u make the whole thing seem as if i am the betrayer and u r the innocent. When u left, u inform me none. and now, after nearly a month, u msged me wanting to meet. So what kind of reaction am i supposed to give? i have the choice to just ignore ur msg, but i decided to reply. i just dont understand why do u still want to contact me when u left without telling me. isn't that in a way declaring that our friendship is no more. Are u contacting because u want to get something out of me again? or are u just trying to be friends again? i can no longer understand ur intention, and the reason why i m reluctant to meet u, cause i don't want to be involved in whatever things that u are going to create again. it's tiring and i don't have the time to feel tired for this kind of thing.
anyway, i don't even know why do i still blog this out when i don't care. it's just how sad why things must end this way. i mean, it may not have ended. but maybe i want to end it? or maybe it ended, just that i am hoping too much? whatever it is, not so soon i guess. i need to sort my mind out. i need to know what i want. i need to have the time before i can meet u. maybe i will reply u soon. maybe now. maybe not.
maybe i think too complicated about u. maybe u r that complicated.
# footprint is left @ 1:27 PM
Tuesday, October 09, 2007
mood : *cheated*
everytime i told myself to face the reality and stop imagining stuff,
everytime i was shaken to wake up and see with clear eyes,
everytime i reminded myself to deny whatever i feel,
everytime i wanted to pass my day normally,
everytime i whispered to myself that all these are just illusions,
but
everytime i failed.
there are many mornings when i thought that i am ready.
there are many times when i thought that luckily its just my own imagination.
but
there are many times when u prove that i am right.
there are many times when all those that are happening are reality.
there are many moments when u touch my heart.
there are many incidents when i feel that u are reaching out.
but
those are the times when i doubt myself..
Trapped in my own imagination, all those are just illusions caused by my desires..
# footprint is left @ 4:36 PM
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