..

it has been a hectic wk.. its nt really literally hectic.. its more of the mental thats hectic.. i seemed to learn much more for the past one wk.. things like patience are greatly trained.. anger management lessons had taken place too.. i learn gettin panicky over sth will nt help to solve de matter at all.. keeping calm is much more useful..
once i gt so worked up over sth.. but with much careful analysation.. i guess der is no nid to get worked up over such a trivial thing.. anw.. i am totally agree wif wad my bro saes. we as human being indeed have a choice. we cant blame anione or anithin dat we r forced into sth. its our choice to let someone or sth to force us into it. i mean we all have brains.. means we shall be able to make choices.. isnt it..
my bro also saes dat.. its not consequences that scare us from making choices.. but by knowing the consequences thats y we can make choices. agree? i strongly agree.
anw.. found out that as u grow older.. ur happiness level will nt be as high as when u were just a child (this is my analysis) when u were a child u haf nth to worry about.. and its TOTALLY nothing.. but now.. even when i am laughing away at my friend's jokes.. at the corner of my mind there will be a constant reminding of de upcoming exam or undone tutorials.. but again.. mayb all these are unnecessary stress dat i inflict on myself. can u imagine.. even when i was slping.. my mind was filled with the thoughts of undone work.. and upcoming deadlines.. days are passing by fast.. but yet it is slow enuff for me to feel the torture of going through everydae. going sch has become a chore..
another depressing entry? sori peeps. but i cant help it.. nt much happy things to share abt..
actually der is one.. :p i cant believe it dat mollie really talk to my hand when i asked her "talk to my hand" haha! n she literally talk to my hand.. the scene then was so funny.. yup. :D

*zonked*

expectation = disappointment

am i being selfish?? am i being self-centered??

when u expect sth in return.. even how small it is.. it means dat u haf nt done it wif a pure heart.. and mayb.. just mayb.. i had nt done it with enough sincerity..

thank you my friend for being my friend. and for tolerating with me. and for being so sweet to me. and for always scolding me shut up (though it is copied from me) :P i hope u know who u are. u taught me a lot of things. and i hope i will always remember those long after today. teach me more please.. Thanks for sharing with me. thanks for opening up. thanks for having our lives crossing each other. i am less than perfect but you always make me feel great. though sometimes i feel like "punchin" u.. :D but u know i won't. i hope this friendship will last a lifetime or even an eternity.

*men1*

today my sch gt council investiture.. hahhaa.. it feels rather weird.. cause this is the first time i sit down as audience and witness the whole investiture.. haha.. cause last time when i was in secondary school, two years as PA member and another two years as councillors.. so.. lol.. quite interesting.. hahhaa.. at last can feel what dose ppl feeling.. it gets boring when the speeches get too long. :p but its okk.. den der was dis part of the programme where they show the outgoing council activities photos.. quite sad ya.. though it has nth to do with me.. but it reminds me of my own council ppl.. the memories we created for the last two years of our secondary school.. :) it was all fate.. i nearly cried.. missing you all guys.. there are so many things happening.. and so many emotions evoke.. i hope i can just turn back time and back to the past where worries are much lesser.. where problems are not ours.. but too bad.. it is all just a wild dream. i don't know how to say.. but sometimes i really felt down.. i felt miserable.. and i mean miserable. like right now. okk.. i duno wads happening.. mayb i m self-pitying?? but of wad.. mayb i m just creating unneccesary problems.. i duno.. but it has been a long time since i dreaded gg sch.. okk.. i am not blaming the school.. i am not saying i dont like the school.. i think what i am not liking here is the fact that i need to study.. but whats wrong with studying? that is one question mark too.. i thought i dont mind studying.. so what's really the reason.. for the misery..
sometimes.. i really felt like stopping.. just stand there and stop.. stop walkin.. stop moving.. stop breathing.. mayb then i can find peace.. hai.. ok.. mayb nt stop breathing.. there are so many things happening.. some of my frens are having problems on their own.. and i dont know how to comfort cause i am not feeling too gd myself.. i am so sorry.. this entry is getting depressing..
there are so many things i want to let out.. i want to be frank to certain people.. but recently i found myself having much better control of myself.. i dont bother to explain.. knowing explanations can get things even more complicated.. i dont bother stating my own views.. knowing no one will bother anyway.. i dont bother telling anyone my worries.. since no one can do anything about it..
mayb some will say i am just creating trouble for my ownself.. by thinking too much.. how i wish i can stop.. dont bother me anyway.. this is all self-created.. i sound pretty self-pitying huh??
what i actually want.. to feel? to do? to happen? to bother about?
few daes ago my mom was sharing something with me.. she told me.. there is this newspaper writer wrote.. don't worry about the past.. just learn from it.. because no matter how much u worry about it u cant do anything.. cause its already happened! dont worry about the future.. cause wad for u worry for sth dat has not happened yet? dun worry about the present.. because u r living in it! okkk.. i actually cant rmb wad de writer wrote abt the present.. dat last line was added by me.. nvmm.. but theories are always easier than practical.. its not easy to just change like dat overnite.. mayb i am givin excuses to myself.. mayb i shall just stop complaining.. mayb i shall just go and sleep..

*WOAH*

woah.. u cant imagine my shockness when i saw him there.. it was like we were just talking about him the day before.. and today i was excitedly showing the picture to my friends.. which are his pri sch frens. then today while we were having our lunch he suddenly appeared.. I was so shocked i was left speechless.. i was staring at him, cant believe my eyes.. i mean the chance to see him is like so little.. considering that we are in different school now.. and like that area isnt v popular area. i mean.. anyway u will never expect to see anyone u had just talked about the day before at that kind of time and place. and the first thing that come into my head was to tell my friends who is he instead of saying hi to him.. how rude can i get huh?? but ya.. i was totally speechless.. i was shocked. shocked to the extent of nt being able to control myself period. its nt dat kind of shocked dat i saw him but cant rmb who is he. i know who he is at the first glance. i just cant believe dat he appeared there. that's all. ok.. that shockness was like "i cant believe he exists" :p get it? i tink the last part no rite? anyway, those reading this entry, he is just a friend. i am just amazed by how the world goes round. how your days are filled with surprises. and some surprises really can get quite shocking that they give some real meaning to the word "speechless".
recently i have gotten quite stressed out. its like i want to work hard but yet it seems like i have nt enough motivation to keep me going. promo is coming in two months. EoM date due is in 2 wks. hai.. sometimes i really feel like turning back the time and stayed in the past. am i the only who is having this feeling? it can get quite frustating. of cos we cant go back to the past. unless someone invents a time machine. hai.. i dont know why.. my brain seems to be very disoriented.. i seem nt to be able to focus. i feel like resting a while to collect myself. i duno y.. it feels like then, when i was climbing Mt K. i felt like stopping.. n it feels gd when i stopped.. but when i decided to move on, it was much harder.. i am afraid of the same thing now.. i want to stop n get everything gg on well first.. before i move on again.. but i scared dat if i do dat.. when i begin to move on again it ll b harder.. much harder.. hai.. two more mths.. !! n it ll b one year over.. dats realli fast.. how.. how huh.. i never know growing up can get so tough.. is it really this tough or am i just thinking too much.. okk.. mayb i really think too much.. there are so many things to take care of.. and time seems to be running pass me.. i am afraid dat one day i will just break down.. argh. its really possible lookin at the situation now..
few days ago my cousin asked me this question "do you have any friend there that you can share everything with?" i was stunned for a while before i answered.. "yup. i do have one :)" it was quite pathetic.. but i am grateful dat i have at least one.. :D thnx for dat one. when i asked her whether dat grp of frens of her are ones dat can share everything.. she answered "yup! because of them i am always happy!" lol.. believe it or not.. it kinds of warm my heart.. i seem to understand what she means..
gd nite le..

*fear*

i was standing there feeling the warm water, when out of sudden i felt TIME speeds past me. It was horrible.I used to feel that wkends were long. But it seems like it is getting shorter as i am getting older.
imagine..
when i was young, i really have nothing to do that i can sit down there in front of the tv whole day and still feel that time is moving very slow. when i was playing, one whole day can be divided into a few games and i can really get all the satisfaction from playing all the games. I used to hope that I could grow up fast. and just be like my elder brothers and elder cousins, having all the freedom they are allowed as they get older. i still can recall vividly, the older ones will tell me that when i got older i will hope to be young once again. i never once believed them. but i think i am starting to understand what they had been trying to tell me then. I guess it gets real scary when u start to feel that you are left behind by TIME huh?? n here i am letting TIME takin head first while i typing away. :(

*senseless*

quite a few things happened recently.. and kind of have certain thoughts evoked because of the incidents. like.. during my recent turning-19 day.. it makes me realise friendships.. at least friendships that i have made.. can onli stay strong when both parties are willing to give. i learn something else too. when you are happy with what you have, there is actually more space for u to get even happier when something nice happens to you.. such as your friends having surprises for u.. (speaking frm experience k.. :D) hmm.. :p due to my poor expression.. i am not too sure whether u all get it.. but i hope so..
another thing that happened.. cnt really share with you all.. cause its not my thing.. but from there i learn something else too.. i believe the saying "don't judge the book by its cover." is nt unfamiliar to u all right.. n true indeed. dun ever judge the book by its cover. wad u see mayb true. but sometimes there are really reasons to wad happened before your eyes.

to my dearest fren: u alwaes told me how bad it is for u. but until today i never know that it is really so bad. to me, u are definitely one strong character. dont look down on yourself so much. and u can find happiness in other areas too. :D though all this sounds cliche.. but ya.. really.. n dun trust so much in sth that nt yet happen.. just face it with openmind ya? if u ever need me.. i hope that i can b there for u.. if ever i disappoint u.. i am sorry ya.. i ll nv know how u really feel but u can tell me all about it.. cheer up k.. :)

one last thing.
always cherish what you have now. and be grateful.

i will nv forget the moment when i turn arnd n see u standin der lookin back. it seems so unreal. n i tot dat it is just a dream. let it be just a dream.

zZZzzZ

hi peeps. :)

bye peeps. :)

thnx for the sat outing! :)

the cake is indeed delicious right? :)

i love u all! :)

..

it has been a hectic wk.. its nt really literally hectic.. its more of the mental thats hectic.. i seemed to learn much more for the past one wk.. things like patience are greatly trained.. anger management lessons had taken place too.. i learn gettin panicky over sth will nt help to solve de matter at all.. keeping calm is much more useful..
once i gt so worked up over sth.. but with much careful analysation.. i guess der is no nid to get worked up over such a trivial thing.. anw.. i am totally agree wif wad my bro saes. we as human being indeed have a choice. we cant blame anione or anithin dat we r forced into sth. its our choice to let someone or sth to force us into it. i mean we all have brains.. means we shall be able to make choices.. isnt it..
my bro also saes dat.. its not consequences that scare us from making choices.. but by knowing the consequences thats y we can make choices. agree? i strongly agree.
anw.. found out that as u grow older.. ur happiness level will nt be as high as when u were just a child (this is my analysis) when u were a child u haf nth to worry about.. and its TOTALLY nothing.. but now.. even when i am laughing away at my friend's jokes.. at the corner of my mind there will be a constant reminding of de upcoming exam or undone tutorials.. but again.. mayb all these are unnecessary stress dat i inflict on myself. can u imagine.. even when i was slping.. my mind was filled with the thoughts of undone work.. and upcoming deadlines.. days are passing by fast.. but yet it is slow enuff for me to feel the torture of going through everydae. going sch has become a chore..
another depressing entry? sori peeps. but i cant help it.. nt much happy things to share abt..
actually der is one.. :p i cant believe it dat mollie really talk to my hand when i asked her "talk to my hand" haha! n she literally talk to my hand.. the scene then was so funny.. yup. :D

*zonked*

expectation = disappointment

am i being selfish?? am i being self-centered??

when u expect sth in return.. even how small it is.. it means dat u haf nt done it wif a pure heart.. and mayb.. just mayb.. i had nt done it with enough sincerity..

thank you my friend for being my friend. and for tolerating with me. and for being so sweet to me. and for always scolding me shut up (though it is copied from me) :P i hope u know who u are. u taught me a lot of things. and i hope i will always remember those long after today. teach me more please.. Thanks for sharing with me. thanks for opening up. thanks for having our lives crossing each other. i am less than perfect but you always make me feel great. though sometimes i feel like "punchin" u.. :D but u know i won't. i hope this friendship will last a lifetime or even an eternity.

*men1*

today my sch gt council investiture.. hahhaa.. it feels rather weird.. cause this is the first time i sit down as audience and witness the whole investiture.. haha.. cause last time when i was in secondary school, two years as PA member and another two years as councillors.. so.. lol.. quite interesting.. hahhaa.. at last can feel what dose ppl feeling.. it gets boring when the speeches get too long. :p but its okk.. den der was dis part of the programme where they show the outgoing council activities photos.. quite sad ya.. though it has nth to do with me.. but it reminds me of my own council ppl.. the memories we created for the last two years of our secondary school.. :) it was all fate.. i nearly cried.. missing you all guys.. there are so many things happening.. and so many emotions evoke.. i hope i can just turn back time and back to the past where worries are much lesser.. where problems are not ours.. but too bad.. it is all just a wild dream. i don't know how to say.. but sometimes i really felt down.. i felt miserable.. and i mean miserable. like right now. okk.. i duno wads happening.. mayb i m self-pitying?? but of wad.. mayb i m just creating unneccesary problems.. i duno.. but it has been a long time since i dreaded gg sch.. okk.. i am not blaming the school.. i am not saying i dont like the school.. i think what i am not liking here is the fact that i need to study.. but whats wrong with studying? that is one question mark too.. i thought i dont mind studying.. so what's really the reason.. for the misery..
sometimes.. i really felt like stopping.. just stand there and stop.. stop walkin.. stop moving.. stop breathing.. mayb then i can find peace.. hai.. ok.. mayb nt stop breathing.. there are so many things happening.. some of my frens are having problems on their own.. and i dont know how to comfort cause i am not feeling too gd myself.. i am so sorry.. this entry is getting depressing..
there are so many things i want to let out.. i want to be frank to certain people.. but recently i found myself having much better control of myself.. i dont bother to explain.. knowing explanations can get things even more complicated.. i dont bother stating my own views.. knowing no one will bother anyway.. i dont bother telling anyone my worries.. since no one can do anything about it..
mayb some will say i am just creating trouble for my ownself.. by thinking too much.. how i wish i can stop.. dont bother me anyway.. this is all self-created.. i sound pretty self-pitying huh??
what i actually want.. to feel? to do? to happen? to bother about?
few daes ago my mom was sharing something with me.. she told me.. there is this newspaper writer wrote.. don't worry about the past.. just learn from it.. because no matter how much u worry about it u cant do anything.. cause its already happened! dont worry about the future.. cause wad for u worry for sth dat has not happened yet? dun worry about the present.. because u r living in it! okkk.. i actually cant rmb wad de writer wrote abt the present.. dat last line was added by me.. nvmm.. but theories are always easier than practical.. its not easy to just change like dat overnite.. mayb i am givin excuses to myself.. mayb i shall just stop complaining.. mayb i shall just go and sleep..

*WOAH*

woah.. u cant imagine my shockness when i saw him there.. it was like we were just talking about him the day before.. and today i was excitedly showing the picture to my friends.. which are his pri sch frens. then today while we were having our lunch he suddenly appeared.. I was so shocked i was left speechless.. i was staring at him, cant believe my eyes.. i mean the chance to see him is like so little.. considering that we are in different school now.. and like that area isnt v popular area. i mean.. anyway u will never expect to see anyone u had just talked about the day before at that kind of time and place. and the first thing that come into my head was to tell my friends who is he instead of saying hi to him.. how rude can i get huh?? but ya.. i was totally speechless.. i was shocked. shocked to the extent of nt being able to control myself period. its nt dat kind of shocked dat i saw him but cant rmb who is he. i know who he is at the first glance. i just cant believe dat he appeared there. that's all. ok.. that shockness was like "i cant believe he exists" :p get it? i tink the last part no rite? anyway, those reading this entry, he is just a friend. i am just amazed by how the world goes round. how your days are filled with surprises. and some surprises really can get quite shocking that they give some real meaning to the word "speechless".
recently i have gotten quite stressed out. its like i want to work hard but yet it seems like i have nt enough motivation to keep me going. promo is coming in two months. EoM date due is in 2 wks. hai.. sometimes i really feel like turning back the time and stayed in the past. am i the only who is having this feeling? it can get quite frustating. of cos we cant go back to the past. unless someone invents a time machine. hai.. i dont know why.. my brain seems to be very disoriented.. i seem nt to be able to focus. i feel like resting a while to collect myself. i duno y.. it feels like then, when i was climbing Mt K. i felt like stopping.. n it feels gd when i stopped.. but when i decided to move on, it was much harder.. i am afraid of the same thing now.. i want to stop n get everything gg on well first.. before i move on again.. but i scared dat if i do dat.. when i begin to move on again it ll b harder.. much harder.. hai.. two more mths.. !! n it ll b one year over.. dats realli fast.. how.. how huh.. i never know growing up can get so tough.. is it really this tough or am i just thinking too much.. okk.. mayb i really think too much.. there are so many things to take care of.. and time seems to be running pass me.. i am afraid dat one day i will just break down.. argh. its really possible lookin at the situation now..
few days ago my cousin asked me this question "do you have any friend there that you can share everything with?" i was stunned for a while before i answered.. "yup. i do have one :)" it was quite pathetic.. but i am grateful dat i have at least one.. :D thnx for dat one. when i asked her whether dat grp of frens of her are ones dat can share everything.. she answered "yup! because of them i am always happy!" lol.. believe it or not.. it kinds of warm my heart.. i seem to understand what she means..
gd nite le..

*fear*

i was standing there feeling the warm water, when out of sudden i felt TIME speeds past me. It was horrible.I used to feel that wkends were long. But it seems like it is getting shorter as i am getting older.
imagine..
when i was young, i really have nothing to do that i can sit down there in front of the tv whole day and still feel that time is moving very slow. when i was playing, one whole day can be divided into a few games and i can really get all the satisfaction from playing all the games. I used to hope that I could grow up fast. and just be like my elder brothers and elder cousins, having all the freedom they are allowed as they get older. i still can recall vividly, the older ones will tell me that when i got older i will hope to be young once again. i never once believed them. but i think i am starting to understand what they had been trying to tell me then. I guess it gets real scary when u start to feel that you are left behind by TIME huh?? n here i am letting TIME takin head first while i typing away. :(

*senseless*

quite a few things happened recently.. and kind of have certain thoughts evoked because of the incidents. like.. during my recent turning-19 day.. it makes me realise friendships.. at least friendships that i have made.. can onli stay strong when both parties are willing to give. i learn something else too. when you are happy with what you have, there is actually more space for u to get even happier when something nice happens to you.. such as your friends having surprises for u.. (speaking frm experience k.. :D) hmm.. :p due to my poor expression.. i am not too sure whether u all get it.. but i hope so..
another thing that happened.. cnt really share with you all.. cause its not my thing.. but from there i learn something else too.. i believe the saying "don't judge the book by its cover." is nt unfamiliar to u all right.. n true indeed. dun ever judge the book by its cover. wad u see mayb true. but sometimes there are really reasons to wad happened before your eyes.

to my dearest fren: u alwaes told me how bad it is for u. but until today i never know that it is really so bad. to me, u are definitely one strong character. dont look down on yourself so much. and u can find happiness in other areas too. :D though all this sounds cliche.. but ya.. really.. n dun trust so much in sth that nt yet happen.. just face it with openmind ya? if u ever need me.. i hope that i can b there for u.. if ever i disappoint u.. i am sorry ya.. i ll nv know how u really feel but u can tell me all about it.. cheer up k.. :)

one last thing.
always cherish what you have now. and be grateful.

i will nv forget the moment when i turn arnd n see u standin der lookin back. it seems so unreal. n i tot dat it is just a dream. let it be just a dream.

zZZzzZ

hi peeps. :)

bye peeps. :)

thnx for the sat outing! :)

the cake is indeed delicious right? :)

i love u all! :)