Thursday, August 25, 2005
...
its that feeling again. i am not too sure how to describe it. somehow.. it seems like loneliness.. but again.. it appears like fear at times.. maybe fear of loneliness? but again it doesnt seem like it. negative feeling? sometimes i feel rejected. i feel dont belong. at times i need to remind myself.. to be just myself. its not really easy.. especially when fitting in is necessary. but y try so hard to fit in? isit because of the crave for the used-to-have feelings i had then last year. then.. it was me. and just me. everyone.. or at least those who were close to me understand y i act certain way. now, its different. i felt like there is a need for certain explanation when i did sth different. even though, there are laughters all arnd me. smiles on my face. but it is all short term. it doesnt last. the happiness doesnt last like it used to be.
there are barriers. barriers around me. isit set by me? or set by others?
independence. how independent can a person be? after all, human being is a social animal.
helplessness. kind people are rare nowadays. but again, how u expect someone to be kind to you when you are not kind to everyone. that's the thing. everyone wants everyone to treat them well, yet they forget they are also everyone to everyone. you need to give in order to get something back in return. and even when you give, you shall not give for the sake of getting something back.
everything in this world seems to have two sides. up and down. left and right. dark and bright. white and black. girl and boy. happy and sad. hard and soft.
and everything works like a cycle. round and round it goes. just like our planet.
expectation. expects nothing and life will be better.
its that feeling again. i am not too sure how to describe it. somehow.. it seems like loneliness.. but again.. it appears like fear at times.. maybe fear of loneliness? but again it doesnt seem like it. negative feeling? sometimes i feel rejected. i feel dont belong. at times i need to remind myself.. to be just myself. its not really easy.. especially when fitting in is necessary. but y try so hard to fit in? isit because of the crave for the used-to-have feelings i had then last year. then.. it was me. and just me. everyone.. or at least those who were close to me understand y i act certain way. now, its different. i felt like there is a need for certain explanation when i did sth different. even though, there are laughters all arnd me. smiles on my face. but it is all short term. it doesnt last. the happiness doesnt last like it used to be.
there are barriers. barriers around me. isit set by me? or set by others?
independence. how independent can a person be? after all, human being is a social animal.
helplessness. kind people are rare nowadays. but again, how u expect someone to be kind to you when you are not kind to everyone. that's the thing. everyone wants everyone to treat them well, yet they forget they are also everyone to everyone. you need to give in order to get something back in return. and even when you give, you shall not give for the sake of getting something back.
everything in this world seems to have two sides. up and down. left and right. dark and bright. white and black. girl and boy. happy and sad. hard and soft.
and everything works like a cycle. round and round it goes. just like our planet.
expectation. expects nothing and life will be better.
# footprint is left @ 10:09 PM
1 Comments:
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I dont realli quite understand this feeling u have honestly... but i think it should be close to wat i have in mind... the feeling that u're alone, the fear that u'll remain alone... as in a detachment from the rest of the world... u dun find urself fitting into the environment that sort of feeling?? Cuz i see the way u say about the barriers around u, having no one realli understand wat u're actually trying to convey...
Actually I face this prob too, becuz we're still new to one another despite being together for bout 6 months le... I faced this too juz recently... I once feel detached from the class too. No one understands and appreciates me that sort of feeling.. but well... give it some time nel.. friendship gets tougher and stronger as time goes on :D dun think bout how difficult it is to communicate wif us, think about how fortunate to have us to communicate wif :D that's how I got over my fear too hehe...
I like wat u said about "everything in this world seems to have two sides." It's absolutely true... no doubt... I always strongly believe in this for many years le k! but only this year I found out why everything has 2 sides... It's for relative and comparision purposes... I always thought as long as there's a positive, there'll bound to be a negative, but the existence of 2 opposite terms are meant to show the extreme of each term here :D kk I noe i'm getting too philosophical so i better not tok bout it :D
However, feel free to tok to me bout ur prob or to anyone u trust k? dun bottle everything up in u. It's bad for ur health, and bad for others too, have to tolerate ur hot-temper when u're stressed hahas~
By
OsirisZ, at
12:55 AM
Actually I face this prob too, becuz we're still new to one another despite being together for bout 6 months le... I faced this too juz recently... I once feel detached from the class too. No one understands and appreciates me that sort of feeling.. but well... give it some time nel.. friendship gets tougher and stronger as time goes on :D dun think bout how difficult it is to communicate wif us, think about how fortunate to have us to communicate wif :D that's how I got over my fear too hehe...
I like wat u said about "everything in this world seems to have two sides." It's absolutely true... no doubt... I always strongly believe in this for many years le k! but only this year I found out why everything has 2 sides... It's for relative and comparision purposes... I always thought as long as there's a positive, there'll bound to be a negative, but the existence of 2 opposite terms are meant to show the extreme of each term here :D kk I noe i'm getting too philosophical so i better not tok bout it :D
However, feel free to tok to me bout ur prob or to anyone u trust k? dun bottle everything up in u. It's bad for ur health, and bad for others too, have to tolerate ur hot-temper when u're stressed hahas~
By
OsirisZ, at
12:55 AM
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Actually I face this prob too, becuz we're still new to one another despite being together for bout 6 months le... I faced this too juz recently... I once feel detached from the class too. No one understands and appreciates me that sort of feeling.. but well... give it some time nel.. friendship gets tougher and stronger as time goes on :D dun think bout how difficult it is to communicate wif us, think about how fortunate to have us to communicate wif :D that's how I got over my fear too hehe...
I like wat u said about "everything in this world seems to have two sides." It's absolutely true... no doubt... I always strongly believe in this for many years le k! but only this year I found out why everything has 2 sides... It's for relative and comparision purposes... I always thought as long as there's a positive, there'll bound to be a negative, but the existence of 2 opposite terms are meant to show the extreme of each term here :D kk I noe i'm getting too philosophical so i better not tok bout it :D
However, feel free to tok to me bout ur prob or to anyone u trust k? dun bottle everything up in u. It's bad for ur health, and bad for others too, have to tolerate ur hot-temper when u're stressed hahas~
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