-Tuesday, January 29, 2008-
mood : mixed
luckily there was a pre-warning.. it got me alert with such an unusual welcome. i thought that if i could get over this, staying focus, then i succeeded. but i guess i failed. and maybe in a way it worried me. it got me suffocated. real suffocated. as my heartbeats sped up, i became breathless. was it because of the previous things that were discussed, that i had unknowingly taken them as big stones? or was it because of what i feared of, fearing that i would witness it myself? i could not bear to look up even once. there were too much emotions going on. i tried suppressing and stayed focus. it only got better only when i felt that its safer to look up. then the subsequent things that happened, i CHOSE to not be bothered. but choosing didnt give me the luxury of not feeling what i did not want to feel. if only i could let it go just like how i let go of the rest.. what is holding me back? there is nothing. thatsexactlywhatconfusedme.amiholdingmyselfback?andforwhateverreason?ifeltsomethingelsetoo.
iamnottoosurewhethermyinstinctisright.btithinkidofeeltheconfusion.theuncertainty.
# footprint is left @ 12:33 AM
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
mood : mixed
luckily there was a pre-warning.. it got me alert with such an unusual welcome. i thought that if i could get over this, staying focus, then i succeeded. but i guess i failed. and maybe in a way it worried me. it got me suffocated. real suffocated. as my heartbeats sped up, i became breathless. was it because of the previous things that were discussed, that i had unknowingly taken them as big stones? or was it because of what i feared of, fearing that i would witness it myself? i could not bear to look up even once. there were too much emotions going on. i tried suppressing and stayed focus. it only got better only when i felt that its safer to look up. then the subsequent things that happened, i CHOSE to not be bothered. but choosing didnt give me the luxury of not feeling what i did not want to feel. if only i could let it go just like how i let go of the rest.. what is holding me back? there is nothing. thatsexactlywhatconfusedme.amiholdingmyselfback?andforwhateverreason?ifeltsomethingelsetoo.
iamnottoosurewhethermyinstinctisright.btithinkidofeeltheconfusion.theuncertainty.
# footprint is left @ 12:33 AM
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