"cannot be too caught up with things that mean nothing if you forget what you are doing it for" quoted frm meL.. :) am so happy that you are back.. u are back.. okay.. before i continued with the initial inspiration that she managed to give me, let me let it out what i am feeling inside.. arghhh.. upset.. confused.. upset.. confused.. so angry that i dont have a good self-control.. and to think that i keep on advising ppl on self-control. WTH right. freak freak. argh.. i hate it when the concern is rejected. bt again mayb i m too involved in it. just act normally. okay. lets give myself a week. self control. okay. i think my bro's words may contain some truth. i think mayb i m trying too hard to create a "kerangka" that i begin to lose myself. freak.. i think i m losing myself.. i keep on wanting retreat.. but it feels like every retreat is not working anymore.. maybe i should just disappear from this world for a while.. bt again i feel that this ll nv work anymore.. it used to be me running to retreat whenever i get too confused and overwhelmed by my self-inflicted feelings.. i always thought that retreat will solve the problem. but now i realise that i made myself believe that retreat made me feel that i am back in control with my feelings.. bt everytime when i step back into real world.. my feelings gt whirled up again.. i guess this is nt the right solution. i think i need to find another solution.. it feels really torturous to be so ctrlled by my own feelings.. a fren of mine told me that i used too much of my feelings for every action of mine. initially i was kind of disagree.. bt the more i thought abt it.. the more i feel so too.. freak.. i think tts y ppl can read my feelings easily too.. and like my bros said i would be easily manipulated if ppl want to.. bt again, how abt the talk of "feel".. we ll nv be able to separate "feel" frm our life, no matter how logic we want our life to be. hai.. i so want badly to restart everything.. like playing game.. when u reset the game.. to start all over again.. bt it doesnt erase the fact that i went through everything tt is erased. what am i really.. who am i really.. why am i back in all these thoughts again.. wrong step. argh. one wrong step n it turns my feeling 18o degrees. ppl talk abt it when they feel tt sth is wrong. bt is it exactly the correct thing to do? would it be better if we just leave it be? dont let me have a place to channel all my negativity.. cause i may just get more negative.. bt again without a place for me to do so.. i may just get drowned by my own negativity. freak. negative thinkin, go away pls. melankolis? hai. am in a negative mood. inspiration tt i have initially need to be stored somewhere first. good night world.
"cannot be too caught up with things that mean nothing if you forget what you are doing it for" quoted frm meL.. :) am so happy that you are back.. u are back.. okay.. before i continued with the initial inspiration that she managed to give me, let me let it out what i am feeling inside.. arghhh.. upset.. confused.. upset.. confused.. so angry that i dont have a good self-control.. and to think that i keep on advising ppl on self-control. WTH right. freak freak. argh.. i hate it when the concern is rejected. bt again mayb i m too involved in it. just act normally. okay. lets give myself a week. self control. okay. i think my bro's words may contain some truth. i think mayb i m trying too hard to create a "kerangka" that i begin to lose myself. freak.. i think i m losing myself.. i keep on wanting retreat.. but it feels like every retreat is not working anymore.. maybe i should just disappear from this world for a while.. bt again i feel that this ll nv work anymore.. it used to be me running to retreat whenever i get too confused and overwhelmed by my self-inflicted feelings.. i always thought that retreat will solve the problem. but now i realise that i made myself believe that retreat made me feel that i am back in control with my feelings.. bt everytime when i step back into real world.. my feelings gt whirled up again.. i guess this is nt the right solution. i think i need to find another solution.. it feels really torturous to be so ctrlled by my own feelings.. a fren of mine told me that i used too much of my feelings for every action of mine. initially i was kind of disagree.. bt the more i thought abt it.. the more i feel so too.. freak.. i think tts y ppl can read my feelings easily too.. and like my bros said i would be easily manipulated if ppl want to.. bt again, how abt the talk of "feel".. we ll nv be able to separate "feel" frm our life, no matter how logic we want our life to be. hai.. i so want badly to restart everything.. like playing game.. when u reset the game.. to start all over again.. bt it doesnt erase the fact that i went through everything tt is erased. what am i really.. who am i really.. why am i back in all these thoughts again.. wrong step. argh. one wrong step n it turns my feeling 18o degrees. ppl talk abt it when they feel tt sth is wrong. bt is it exactly the correct thing to do? would it be better if we just leave it be? dont let me have a place to channel all my negativity.. cause i may just get more negative.. bt again without a place for me to do so.. i may just get drowned by my own negativity. freak. negative thinkin, go away pls. melankolis? hai. am in a negative mood. inspiration tt i have initially need to be stored somewhere first. good night world.
Post a Comment!